ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Please STOP THE BUS!

Is it me or does life sometimes feel like its rolling out of control in the wrong direction.   This week has been so stressful.  My Trigeminal Neuralgia is making noise again.  I could describe it but why when wikapedia does such a good job http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigeminus_neuralgia .  Unfortunately they are correct when they call it the suicide disease. As if the normal rig am arrow you know the norm not walking, leg spasms and fingers not wanting to work right wasn’t enough. RIGHT

I don’t know how to express how bad it hurts.  Well just imagine Freddy Krueggr taking his Edward Scissors hand and ripping your face off.   Here’s the kicker you DON’T die.  Just get the pleasure of feeling this joyous PAIN repeatedly until you have surgery.  This takes a time to schedule.  But don’t be sad for me.  Apparently Trigeminal is an equal opportunity ailment. You too can get it.  Having a preexisting neurological condition just puts you at the front of the line. Most commonly women after menopause get it.  OH YAAY RIGHT! SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!!!!

Figuring out my coverage for Albert’s upcoming one week business trip to the east coast is always fun. Planning rides to upcoming appointments and I don’t know work.  It’s all a little bit much.  Oh and to top it all off recently my access bus just got here forty five minutes early!   How are they even gonna ask me if I’m ready and can leave early?  NO I’m not ready!  I’m handicap FOOL, that’s why I ride the short bus.  STUPID!  Yes they apologized for their mistake but said they couldn’t wait for me to put my shoes and coat on and come out.  Apparently they just come back and pick you up.   Get this, they said it would be in an hour and half and told me to call my appointment to see if that would work.  Of course I told them NO THANKS.   I don’t need to call them to see if that works.  What about if that works for me?  They treat you like your handicap so you not have a life.  NO, that won’t work.  PLEASE!  Don’t waste any more of my time.  I was so mad I could SPIT.

This has been such a bloody year.  Taiban shooting a 14 year old girl that’s in world news for wanting to go to school to learn?!! REALLY!  Probably shouda let one slide.  Now even some Talaban supporters are like YOU OUT OF LINE DOG.  BAD CALL! BAD CALL!  It’s heart breaking violence.  Treyvon Martin, massacre in Syria, the shootings at the movie theater in Colorado and Sikh Mosque!  Even if you believe it’s the last days death is death and hard to watch.   I just have a sick feeling in my stomach.

In one act we all lost another part of our innocence.  The next time you go to the movies will you ever look at the person sitting next to you that you don’t know the same way?  Will you make sure you know where the exits are?  Oh and PLEASE don’t let some fool be on their phone and walk towards an exit.  Wanna see a black woman in a wheelchair act up?  NO you are not innocent until proven guilty.  I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR THAT!

What was so bad in that white boy’s life to make him want to kill people?  He grew up in San Diego.  Even if he was abused by a family member I don’t get it.  People say he must be mental.  I think that is disrespectful to people with mental disorders.   Many people with schizophrenia are plagued with scary voices in their head or Bipolar where the manic spells that go from depth of the sea to the height of mount Everest peak.  There was nothing they did to cause their illness.  Don’t classify him with them.

His act was devious, prideful with no remorse.  He was in his right mind enough to seamlessly plan this whole thing out.  This individual researched and purchased body armor and guns.  It takes skills to lock and reload multiple rounds of ammo, aim at 230 moving people, keep your composer and successfully shoot 71 people.  Do you think he hit everyone on the first try?

That BOY yes BOY (he doesn’t deserve to be called a man) has affectively ruined thousands of lives.  A resident EVIL he is. I think we tend to fall back on the statement “they must have mental problem” because we don’t want to think someone is that awful. Time to face the truth kids, demented hateful do exist.  Hitler was a real man and this BOY would have killed the same amount as Hitler did if he had the means to.

NOT A WASTE OF A GOOD SET

NOT A WASTE OF A GOOD PAIR OF LEGS!

Albee and I went to Madonna this past week.  I MUST say I can’t stop thinking about it.  The Woman is like 54 years old!!  She has a body most twenty year olds would dream of.  I didn’t think it was possible for a woman her age to have THAT body.  Truth be told I wanted to see her at least once before she stopped touring.  OK it was easily one of the BEST shows I ever seen.  She didn’t start until 10:30.  I just figured the old lady needed a nap she however, did perform the night before.  For a second I thought maybe we wouldn’t get as good of a show.  NAAAW! SHE WAS On POINT!  Even vocally she did better than I excepted.  She did an OFF THE HOOK version of ‘Like a Virgin’ with an upright saloon style piano and Bass… REALLY?!! Can a sista get a copy of THAT?!

I don’t share Madonna’s view on a lot of things.  But I must say she has used her life to full.  Been married a couple of times, been a thru pregnancy twice, adopted another and achieved complete in her career.  By the world standards, anyway.  She uses her legs to  the full.  Seeing her control of the stage reminded me of something Christopher Reeves said after being paralyzed.  He was at a cocktail party with his wife.  He said watched people sitting then standing and walking across the room.  He marveled at the effortless action.  They all took it for granted While he STRUGGLED to even learn to breathe on his own again after everything.  He made that statement on an interview I saw while I was still walking.  I never paid it much thought.  Now as a member of the wheelchair club I think of it often.  Madonna seemed to effortlessly glide across the stage.  Just 2 and a ½  years in this chair and watching Madonna seems magical.

We sat in the handicap section, AWSOME seats!  They do give us ROCK STAR seats. Who knew, RIGHT?! I met a quad (handi talk for quadriplegic).  He was at work in Juno Alaska and fell off a cliff and broke his spine at c4.  As a result he had no movement.  Then he went to Pushing Boundaries in Redmond WA.  A excersise therapy place.  Now he has limited range of movement in his arms and hands.  He showed me a couple of video’s from his sessions there.  In one of them he was walking!  WHAAT A QUAD WALKING?!!  SHUT UP YOU SAY?!!  I know RIGHT!  If I hadn’t seen it first handed I wouldn’t believe it.  They had him in this Niel Armstrong get up on a tread mill walking.  One more time for emphasis, WHAAAT! 

I had a dream last night the walking device.  I dreamed they made improvements and it was sleeker.  You were able to slip it over your clothes.  You DIDN’T need help to get into it.  Put your feet in and shimmy it up to your thights and turn it on.  It would do the rest!  It was one of those dreams you DON’T wanna wake from.  But you do wake up.

I’ve been sitting for two and ½ years now!  Can you believe that?  I cant.  Just close your eyes for minute please.  If you are sitting take note of your position.  Then open your eyes and try to stand up but prevent yourself from doing so.  Think of two and a ½ years of sitting in that position.  All of a sudden paying $100 for an hour is chump change.  Most likely insurance most likely wont pay for it because its not medicaly necessary to stand.  But its emotionally necessary.  I would love to stretch my legs.

That’s like asking you last week to skip and or jump for me was needed (I must say only ONE friend did it for me. BOOOO). There are certain things a quad or pair can understand.  BUT YOU CAN BET YOU BUTT ALLEY IS STANDING BEFORE THE YEAR IS OUT!!.

Ok,  so when I took on this blogging endeavor I thought I’d write a couple entries a week.  Who knew this guy named job would be so needy.  It started out like most relationships do.  You see each other once a week, maybe talk two or three times in the same week.  BUT before you know it, it’s like multiple text’s a day, email, phone calls AND he wants to see you LIKE everyday.  Yes, it seems like EVERYONE in the Greaaater Seattle area has add ONE  thought.  UH-HUH! You guessed it; to have their carpets CLEANED.  I started this entry last week and here we are.

So your girl apparently has a REAL Jto the  O to the B!!  Don’t get me wrong I love my job…I REALLY do job.  MS has SO generously gave me various disabilities.  FORCEING me to need assistance in some way with almost everything I do.  Working I ACTUALLY get to help other people.  Manage schedules, answer phones, book appointments you name it.  Working for a tiny (there are less than 10 employees. To say its small is pushing the envelope!) business, problem solving is the name of the game.

Ok so can we talk?  Can we talk?

We have had such good weather this summer in Seattle.  Some would and do complain they want more heat.  Ok, SO you do realize you live in Seattle           RIGHT?!   Shut UP and be happy for the sun! We went 50 days no rain.  Once again PEOPLE 5 to the 0 days NO rain.   SEATTLE?  WHAAAT?!!  Even at that we only had ONE measureable day of rain then back to sun and 70’s and 80’s temps.  Yup it’s like that.

Even though I’m in a chair with wheels at my hips (and they don’t lie) I’ve ENJOYED this weather.  We live in a third floor condo.  We have four picture windows in our family/dining room.  My laptop I work from is on our dining room table.  If I look out the window to my left I see the bustling street and the Seattle PI Newspaper spinning giant Globe.  Funny the Newspaper died as they all have but time globe spins on.  Through the window to my far right I see Mertyel Edwards Park and the Puget Sound.  This time a year I see cruise ships, sail boats.  It really is the best of both worlds. Sunny days just add to the delight.

The BAD thing about good summers like this is people visiting during them want to move here! I can here John Smith talking to his wife and kids. HE would be like who wants to move sunny Seattle? To which his wife and kids giddily clap there hands say yes. No John and Kimmy we don’t want you or your BRATs! Traffic is SNARLED enough as it is.  We don’t need any more STINK’N people.  There should be a moratorium on having children going forward…

Like China you are allowed one kid.  From there it’s a one in and one out basis.  Meaning, one die’s allows a new one to live.  You must apply in advance and pass a LIFE test.  Meaning, prove you’re not a PEDOPHILE, ABUSIVE PARENT OR JUST PLAIN STUPID AKA A WASTE OF A GOOD SET OF LEGS!!  If you pass that screening you will be given a number let’s say 23.  When the 23^rd person dies in the year you wish to conceive you will be text to come to the conception office of Seattle.  However be aware five of each number is given out.  WHY?  Well it’s a reality show of course. It’s AMERICA BABY, the stat needs money.   We have to make it almost like a game.  Keep people’s emotions on a roller coaster.  Which couple of the five will get to the office first?  The early 30’s hipsters wanting their first Ironic child?  What about the mid 40’s doctors wanting to give little Suzie a sibling.  Wrong?  Maybe.  GOOD TV? YES! WHAT Mark Burnett? If you had the pleasure of sitting in Seattle traffic you ‘d wish for a few less heads UP IN HERE TO.

Once the couple gets the text the fun begins.  Well for the views on the couch anyways.  You see the conception will only text ONE member of said couples.  That person has to find the other and BOTH have to appear at the Seattle Conception office.   You think Amazing Race is exciting?!

Once they get to the office guest who they are greeted by?  Christian Siriano season four winner of Project Runway.  YES friends his FIERCE self-works the front desk.  I KNOW, RIGHT!  Can’t you see it and hear it.  When the first team (couple) arrives he would cheer leader style clap his hands together shrieking Congratulations BREADERS your couple number ONE flipping his hair.  But if you arrive after that he’d reach his hands straight forward and tilt his head to the left and say your number two did the Ballard bridge get ya(shoulder shrug for full affect)?  Then becking the sad face to him he quickly goes from sad to happy.

• Side Bar- Truth be told he was never was sad for the breeders to begin with.  He only took the job because his fashion line dried up and he wanted to stay in the lime light.

Back to the show.  The visibly shaken team  slowly walks up to the counter.  Christian hands the husband papers to fill out telling him they will be first in line next year.  Smile breeder man we’re sure of at least ten deaths next year. Continuing he leans into the couple flipping his symmetrical band out his eyes giggling granny won’t make it another year….

Aannd back to the GREAT weather.  Well unless you live in Fargo or Denver where they just had their snow (tear).  But I don’t and I want to jump rope!  Remember when simple things like that or four square, tether ball and swing on bars at lunch.  Living in the PNW you love days to be able to play outside.  What I would give to be able to take a long walk outside with my honey and the pups.

Slow down and take this weekend where ever you live.  Let the troubles of the week slide of your back like a school kid taking off his back pack on Friday!  Don’t worry it and the anxieties will still be there Monday morning when you pick it up.  Then do something this weekend for me.  Skip three times then jump four times.  Don’t jump then skip.  I don’t want any anger in it.  You can angrily jump but can you skip angrily?  If you are really ambitious get some chalk and play HOP SCOTCH.  That would be the BOM DIGADY.  If you have friends or a significant do it in front of each other.  Please think me when you do it.  I want to hear stories.  Oh and W Seattle/Yakima make it a group thang (anything with liquor is more fun they tell me)

But of course I have a song to get you in the mood!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NHjUEdiebE