Monthly Archives: September 2012

Did you forget your Hog Tie??!!!

~Cause I can make a make-shift one for you.

Ok Albert and I could NOT have kids today.  We’d be in jail and our kids would be in the system for sure.  We are from the spanking generation.  Therefore yes we would be SPANKING OUR KIDS.  Not abuseing them.  Some people think the two are one in the same.

My father was strict with a capitol S.  I didn’t appreciate it back then BUT I do today.   When we moved to Washington from L.A. our new house had a dishwasher.  We thought that was so cool!  However my Dad didn’t allow us to use it at first.  We needed to learn how to wash dishes CORRECTILY by hand.  I’ll never forget once he pulled a glass from the cupboard that was dirty.  It had previously been my night to wash dishes.  So did I just have to wash that glass over again?  NO!  Every glass in the cupboard.

The vacuum lesson is still how I do it.   It would make my teeth itch to watch Taze vacuum.  BUT I am just a step parent and my Pop’s way isn’t the only way.  It is however KING in my eyes!  It’s all in the wrist.  Perimeter, body and corners it leaves a uniform design.  Our house was not a democracy it was a Father/Motherocracy.  It was their land and I and my siblings were temporary residents of the kingdom.  One law when I was a teen was all prospective weekend plans had to be turned in Wednesday for review.  Do you know what it was like to get your fellow teenage friends to make plans early in the WEEK??!!

Yes Arthur and Allison were home many Friday nights.

Some would say I was raised in a military style house hold. At the time I thought it was awful and couldn’t wait to go AWALL.   Now I see it differently.  All this mumble jumble of my youth was sparked by a dinner I spent with a SPAWN…

Albert and I were at a dinner where there was one of the WORST kid EVER.  The truth is it was an awful parent.   At the beginning of the dinner the boy seemed like a good kid.  He sat in his chair, said a kind hello when introduced by his mother, showed us all his toy he’d made.  I thought to myself what a nice boy.

Somewhere between the caser salad and pizza the spawn of Satan emerged.   He was up out of his chair, talking loud, interrupting conversation, hanging on railings and etc.  Once his mom asked him to stop and he just looked at her DEAD IN HER FACE and said why??and got louder.   Did she get up,  walk over, firmly grab his arm and take him out and reprimand him?  OF COURSE NOT!   She looked away and went back to her conversation.   Now keep in mind we are in a restaurant.  He wasn’t just interrupting our table of ten.  Wait staff and neighboring tables of people were obviously annoyed.  It was embarrassing.  I should have known something was up when she was sitting across the table from him instead of next to him.   She knew he was a mess and didn’t want to sit by him.

You would hope the story ends there, I wish it did.  To cap it all off the boy walks up to the 55 plus man in our group and repeatly acts like he’s shooting him with a gun. Making SHOOTING GUN sound and everything.  What does mom do?  NOTHING!  Here is the KICKER; the man is our BOSS (Oh and NO I won’t tell you her name so don’t ask)!

Ok and this wasn’t a little kid.  He was like eight. Old enough to no better!  When I was seven and we were over friend’s house I accidently pulled out a miniature elephants ivory tusk. Yes I broke a souvenir from Africa.  Did it matter that it was an accident?  NO! I knew the rules!  My Mom was very clear.  Say hello to adults, no running in people’s homes, don’t touch things that aren’t yours and eat what you are given even if you don’t like it.  You are a guest.  My Dad is old school black.  Since my offence was in another person’s home he offered me to be spanked by the father of the home.  When Bro Lewis declined was I free and clear?  NO!  My Dad just asked to borrow a belt and a private room and TANNED MY BOOTY.  Then for good measure I had to say sssshha…sor.. Sorry sobbing.

I will never forget that day.  Not because of the spanking.  I was embarrassed.  I was so mad at myself for breaking the tusk.  I not only learned I should have followed the rules but there are consequences in life if you don’t.

Back to the spawn.  What was truly the sad reality?  He had NO clue what he was doing was not acceptable.  His Mom was creating narcissistic person. He thought the world was there for him.  How would he fare in the world today?  Would you want to drive on the highway with him? What if the economy doesn’t get better?  He would be trying to compete with kids that were raised like me.  I’ve only not got hired for one job I have interviewed for.  Walker Boot Camp taught me how to be a productive member of society.  The world did NOT revolve around me.

At 22 I got my dream job of that time; a Clinique consultant at South Center Bon Marche (now Macy’s).  Not a cake walk job as you may think.  Have you ever been by a Clinique counter and seen it dirty or a C out of place?  (Shut-up Nicole and AG you don’t count)  That’s because the counter is broken up into sections for cleaning.  Each white coat gets an area to maintain.  You pull everything off a self or out of the case, clean the case, rotate and wipe down product; restock with all C’s on products facing forward.  All this on top of selling, maintain customer files, filing out goal sheets, contacting customer for events via phone and mail.

Don’t get me wrong there was a lot of love in the Walker household.  I still talk to my parents several times a week.  During the recession of the 80’s my Dad lost his corporate job in Bellevue.  Did he cry? No!  He got in where he could fit in.  My parents did what was necessary to take care of us. Dad worked retail at Radio Shack and my Mom selling Avon and demoing food at various grocery stores.  They did what they had to take care of us.  Mom even stood in line for powder milk and government cheese.  My brother and I gratefully ate government grilled cheese sandwiches.

So spawn’s mother doesn’t get a hall pass for being a single mother.  If anything that’s more of a reason to buckle down.  The world AIN’T going to give him a pass for being from a broken home…

The whole subject makes me HOT! MAKES ME HOT!

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~Babe

~Babe

We just spent last Thursday to Monday in Oregon visiting Albee’s Mom.  While were very glad to see her, staying at her house is a challenge.  She lives’ in a spilt level home and both bathrooms are upstairs. Aiyyyy!!  Yup you guess it my baby is carry me up those stairs several times a day.  Oh but wait his work is not done yet.  It’s a late 70’s home with narrow doorways.  My wheelchair doesn’t fit threw them.  So baby has to carry me up stairs, into the teny tiny bathroom, perform a Dancing with The STARS move swinging my legs from groom carrying a bride to my butt resting on the top on his thigh briefly to re-adjust his arms then swings my legs vertically in front of him.  Then he straightens my left leg with is right knee and balances me on it while he shimmy’s down my Victorias.  Lastly plops me down on the seat.  This entire procces he does on one breath of energy. It’s so Balboa (R.)!

We prefer to stay in handicap accessible hotels but it’s not always an option.  Taking a shower in someone’s home is as challenging and requires Albert to do more.  At home our condo is retro fitted for a handi.  When I’m on vaKa I really feel like silly putty needing so much help.  Albert just takes it all in stride.  It’s times like these I realize how special he is.

He married me while I was still walking.  Yet he has always said he knew what he was getting into marring someone with MS.  Don’t get it twisted he fights with me like I’m an able body woman.  When I was walking with a cane and was standing by our bed he use to shove me so I would fall on it.  Then get a GOOD laugh in watching me STRUGGLE like Humpty Dumpty TRY’n to get up.  YEAH IT B LIKE THAT SOMETIMES!

Every morning he helps me in and out of the shower and get dressed for the New day.  He is an efficientnado at helping me get dressed.  There is The Olympics, Para-Olympics and there eeds to be The Caretaker games.  Albert would have those on LOCK!  He’d be like; Cocktail dress, pearl necklace, silver drop earrings, COMPRESSION knee highs AAAND silver bracelet NOTHIN BUT NET!  After he done did IT the announcers would be like and that sets a new record in CARETAKER dressing history.  Then Rick would say to Rack (you know sports casters always come in pairs) did you see how he handled the delicate pearl necklace?  So precise and FAST.  Under 10 minutes?  That’s one for the records books Rack.

Here is one downfall to having a husband that loves you.   So we are down in Sutherlin, his Mom’s 7,000 population city.  You probably already have an idea where I’m goin.  Ok we go to Jakki’s Sunday meeting.  I get ready like I’m going in Sea town.  On the way I look at myself in the car mirror and asked Albeeif I looked alright.  Is my red lipstick was too much.  He responded like, why you trip’n?  You look beautiful.  Then we got there…I knew it would be lily white I’d been there before.  But it was like the Walton’s to my right and very simple clothing.  Don’t get me wrong everyone was very nice.  Many hugs were given.  Witch almost made it worse.   When I was meeting people I felt like Hi My name is WHO? My name is What?  freak-aw freak-aw HUSSEY RANEY!  Y-E-A-H note to self, Sutherlin=Clinique gloss not NARRS ‘Fire down Below’ Red.

No I’m not kidding that really is the colors name.  I know I KNOW!!!  That SHOULD have told me everything I needed to know.

One time in Sutherlin we were at the store (I was walking back then).  So we were in line to check out.  Albee out of the blue lays one on me.  Once we were in the car he tells me a woman had given him a scornful look for being with a black woman.  So he looked at her dead in her FACE and kissed me.  My baby got my back even when I’m not aware.

When we went to Maui it was like five hours and some pennies flight.  Yes my MAN got both of us in a teny weenie bathroom in the back of the plane so I could go potty.  The flight attendant said she had never seen that done before and it gave a NEW meaning to “the mile high club”.

I thank Albert for be’n BRAVE enough not only love a handicap girl with a chronic illness But giving me a life worth living.  My words are just Rambling thoughts on paper.  The attached is a PERFECT pairing of an artist spot on description of MY Boy Raney.  Please allow your ears to take a sip.  Your meal will be more COMPLETE with it. CHEERS!

~Nostalgia

~Nostalgia

Last weekend I went with some friends to see the late Whitney Houston’s last movie Sparkle.  It was a good story.  But what makes it a must see was the era.  The clothing was structured and BUEATIFUL and the make-up even better.  The first thing my Mom said to me after she saw it was SHE LOVED THE CLOTHES!

Today its all about “fast fashion” There is a Forever 21 and H&M in almost every major town.  Even Targe’ has got in one it.  They wanna call it affordable fashion.  COME ON PEOPLE, let’s call it what it really is. BROKEN DOWN CHEAP FASHION.  Don’t get me wrong Targe’ is my JAM.  I just know the quality isn’t season over season.

As for Mz. Whitney she was alright.  No she didn’t look the best.  In part it was the character she was play’n and her hard living.  How good do you think a former CRACK HEAD is supposed to look?  She spent the last UMTENTH years running around screaming BOBB-E.  Oh and having a busted daughter.  WOW Bobby-Christina was an ugly child and it hasn’t got much better now that she’s grown!  Wooo that child didn’t have a chance with B. Brown as her daddy.

Back to the movie.  Whoever did the make-up was on TILT.  The eyeliner was that perfect consistency where you really cant tell for sure if it’s liquid or pencil.  I still haven’t found that in real time. The music was done by Mr.  Kelly and he brought it.  He mixed old with new and Whit’s one solo was beautifully placed.  It really took the viewers to a simpler time.

Today our music is cheap and translucent.  It’s filled with Ke$ha’s, Minaj and Gaga.  You may want one or two songs but not the LP.  So we point and click and in a flash it’s in your Laptop.  I must confess it is perfect for purchasing songs that you wouldn’t dare admit to another soul you liked…I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this.  But in truth Albert picked the fruit and convinced me to taste it.  So he said I want you to listen to something.  OK Babe what you got?  It started, the lyrics were on point! I was like all-ight.  All-ight.  Tight little rap in it.  Ok Babe who is it?  A new artist?  He looked at me with the Cheshire cat grin. Then he said in what seemed to be in SLOW MOTION J-U-S-TIN B-E-E-BER!  I yelled NO!!!!!! I wish I could have seen the look of defeat on my own face.  Albert just laughed and said do you want hear it again?   At this point my head was on the dining room table with my arms slumped down at my side.  I sadly raised my fist in the air and nodded yes with it. DON’T JUDGE ME!

Friends I must say in my defense Beeber’s  rapper Big Sean is one of the same ones on Kayne’s cut Mercy.  Can you imagine how that went down when Kayne found out? Big Sean walked in the music studio and everyone was SILENT.  Kayne turns around and looks at Big Sean cocking his head sideways BEEBER?!!  Big Sean probably shrugged his shoulders put is right fist in and out of his left hand say’n white kid got bank.

I MUST say it is the JAM.  Check it, draw your blinds, close the door and turn off the light and check it out. Oh and don’t watch the video.  That will ruin the illusion.

When’s the last time you bought a CD?  Where would you even buy a new CD?  Warehouse Records, Camelot Music store or FYI are all gone.  We now worry about the color, size and generation of our iPod.  I miss FIGHT’n the celophane wrap to open the jewel case the CD came in.  Then once the CD is FREE’d I popped it in the player. As it played I’d looked at the artist pic’s and read the inspiration for the CD while having a drink laying on the couch.  I challenge you to buy a CD if you still have something to play it on. Take your time looking at the pictures, reading the artist words listen to the A and B tracks.

Remember when you would hear about a new song that was the CUT.  Your only choice was blindly buy the CD or listen to the top 10 on the radio?  Even that wasn’t a sure thing.  It was always exciting when my lil Sis would call me to turn on my radio quick because the new song was on next.  GOOD TIMES!

Now it’s really just about songs.  We just scan artist new music and pic and choose.  Not knowing the pain or joy behind a song.  It’s so impersonal.  Music and memories go hand in hand for me.  I loved laying on the family room floor in the dark with my POPs listening to music.  I can still hear “…Are you going to scars berry fair” it’s engraved in my mind.  One of my sweetest memories of Taze would never happen if I had a choice to not get the whole CD. We were on a road trip to Albee’s Mom’s house.  In the car listening to James Blunt’s song I think it’s called Hollow.  Taze was singing it as if he gave birth to those words.  I don’t know what he was hollow about.  Was it his Dad and Mom’s divorce?  Maybe a lil girl at school that broke his heart? I don’t know perhaps he just liked the song.  My eyes still get glossy to think that he felt safe enough to share that moment with me.   His little pink cheeks, eyes closed and mouth open.  My heart still feel’s the afterglow.  Even though he’s my step BRAT I smile and think of him every time I hear the song.

Taze-a-reno here’s looking at you kid… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPc0ClGBPvQ