I know. I know. I’m still here!!!

~I KNOW. I KNOW. I’M STILL HERE!

In the words of my man Timerland, “It’s been a long time. Ya thought I LEFT YOU…” PLEASE! If you’ve ever seen my seen or heard my BIG MOUTH you know I’ve got more to say. It’s been a minute. It’s been a minute. Where to start? Ok..Ok.
Well we are off and running in the new year. 2013. Who would have THUNK it? 2000 was thirteen years ago. WHAAAT!! It’s still odd to me to no longer be living in the 19th century. The thing I ABSOLUTELY love about new year’s is new beginning’s. Everything that didn’t work the previous year you can brus off. Just leave the disappointment and sadness of last year in last year…

Let’s talk about these holiday short weeks. Cool right? NO! NOT AT ALL! You’ve just got four days to get five days of worth of work done. Everyone is all CRANKY. Why you got to take it out on me? I’m just try’n to help you get your STANK carpets before grandma comes. Oh and here’s a bit of truth. She knows you NASTY and only cleans them when she visits. The tech told me by the look and smell of them granny AIN’’T been here in a couple of years.
I had one more procedure on my trigeminal nerve since we’ve last spoke. Yes I mean in addition to the surgery in November. My doc said YOU realize you don’t get frequent flyer miles for these procedures. He’s got JOKES! A less aggressive procedure than the surgery but still addressing the same issue. My left side this time. I must say so far so good. Nothing else has pop’d off. The bottom half of my face is MOSTLY numb. But hey NO pain, right. Acurately putting on lipstick is another story. Not feeling half of my face I’ve forgot to take pills a couple of times. That being the case I’ve now started cutting back on pills. I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine, Eagle Rare/Dr. P and a Cosmo. HOLLA!!!
Ok so at this point I’ve lived in the PNW for like 32 years now. RIGHT. So the rain is not even an afterthought to me. It’s NOT even a thought! But it has been raining NON-STOP! When I say raining I mean pouring. That is unusual. Normal is more of a misty style of Seattle rain with the occasional heavy stuff. But this MESS is enough to make a Seattle-ite come up OUT of they SKIN! I know it’s not hurricanes’. So SHUT UP Allison.
A funny thing about this time of year is the “Good doers”. You know what I’m talk’n about. Somewhere about November 20th to December 23rd their on a mission. They make sure every family has a turkey and every child has a present in. the community I can’t wheel myself anywhere without someone offering to help push me. Ok PEEPS I like to roll myself around sometimes to stay in shape. We wen’t to the mall Christmas Eve. Some WOULD call that a death wish. We call it SMART shopping. Extra mark down’s and not as many people. A BIG tip is to go in the afternoon like a couple of hours before everything closes. We parked at one side of the mall. Then shopped to the end. We decided to eat at a restaurant on the opposite of the car was. So Albee took our new lute to car and move said car closer to the restaurant. This allowed me to roll to the restaurant on my own.

Not one person offered to help me. It was like the “Good Doers” said it’s the 24th we only help 11/20 to 12/23. TRICK you on your OWN! However, If you need help between those days next year we got your BACK! Until then DEUCES! Don’t get me wrong I wanted to roll myself. I just think its CRAZY how quickly it changed. It’s as if being nice and doing things for others 39 days 0ut of 365 is enough to get to heaven! NOOP! NOT even close! I mean people would NOT even give me eye contact. Twards the end I was even sucking wind pretty bad. I would have accepted a shove or two. SORRY little black girl. Better put your back into it. Funny funny…

We also went to Albee’s mom’s place in Oregon for a few days. We were meeting up with his sister and fam. We had the easy commute of six hours. His peeps where coming from DEEP in Texas, Amerillo. Have you heard of such a place. I hadn’t until meeting Albee. Sounds like a place my people better be INSIDE when the sun goes down.
So there were cousins, grand kids, niece, nephews, husbands, great grandkids a GRIP of people coming. Can you believe I have a grandniece?! So some of the fam coming I’ve NEVER met before. Why are girls so DUMB? I had to take time to put together my outfit. Took my SWEET time getting my make-up just right. I was nervous. Yes, I was going to be the only DARK spot in there. Worst yet in a wheelchair with crooked fingers. Ofcouce they welcomed me with open arms. MAN I’M DUMB! Immediately babies were pop’d in my lap and flashes POP’N off everywhere. Nearly blind me. Ok. Ok. I’m family. I get it. My insides get warm just thinking about it. How can you love people you’ve never met before?
Albert’s fam is seamlessly blended. There are his, hers and ours at every level. But his mother is grandma to all. One of our nieces gave a daughter for adoption when she was a teen. Now she is in her late 20’s and has three girls she is raising with her live in boyfriend. One daughter from a previous marriage and two are her boyfriends. They ALL come every year to visit her adopted out duagther. The girls refer to each other as sisters. IT’S BEAUTIFUL!
Ok let’s get something STRAIGHT! If I hear another man gives another PITIFUL excuse for not being romantic!!! I WILL come up out this chair! Said niece above boyfriend is a rough, tough, Harley riding man. Yet, she sat us all down to watch her video xmas present from her man. It was a thought out picture presentation put to music of their life together. It featured pictures of her, him and her, their girls, the whole family and their Harley riding friends. The video ended with a proposal of marriage. What an AWSOME proposal!!!

I hope this becomes family tradition! It was time well spent. We played dice into the night wit a drank in hand. It took me back to backyard barbeques at Aunt Mae’s in L.A. I didn’t realize how much I missed those days.
Ok so ONE thing I didn’t get. Just about everyone owned a gun. A couple times various ones went to shooting range. In different conversations guns came up. It was so matter of fact. It was strange to me. DON’T get me wrong. They are responsible licensed and registered gun owners. It’s just a different culture.

This is what I know about guns. Mama Johnny had two. ONE in the glove department of her car and ONE under her pillow. Living in South/Central L.A. you need a gun. Remember when Reginald Denny got pulled out his truck in the L.A. riots of the 90’s? That was a block or so from Mama Johnny’s. Threw the course of that evening she would step outside on the porch and fire a few rounds in the air. Her reasoning words were and I quote, “I DON’T want them FOOLS comin up in HERE!” Se made sure the neighborhood didn’t get it TWISTED. Mz. Rowe was packing HEAT! Then there was the occasion she was rear ended by the Latino man. He barely spoke English and had no insurance. She grabbed her gloc from the glove department. She ever so carefully placed it under his chin. Perhaps she thought it would help him learn and speak English. When the Po Po arrived they had to talk her down. Oh and YES the POOR man peed himself. Oh and NO they didn’t confiscate her gun. I know RIGHT.
Here is the flip to the story. When Mama Johnny got older and had dementia she almost shot my uncle dead. He went to her place and open the door with his key. She didn’t recognize him and pulled her gun on him. After his 6’3 body got down in a squatting position and pleaded for his life she put her piece down. Oh and YES he also peed himself. At that point they knew it was time to take the guns away. The only problem was they only could find one gun. Fortunately Johnny couldn’t remember where it was either. Finally my Mom found it under a cushion of the sofa. Which made perfect sense. Mama Johnny had long stopped driving at this point. She sat on the sofa most days. She always kept a gun in arms reach.
Here’s the NET NET. As a child I was told the truth about guns. Not that they were bad or toys. They were protection from bad people. They weren’t tucked neatly away in the closet somewhere. You never knew when something BAD was going to POP OFF. NO person with BAD intent is going to wait for you to RUN ang get your piece. Shooting ranges where ANYWHERE you were in danger.

Guns were real to me. I grew up with a healthy fear of them. I never had any desire to play with them. The only in my life that had one was NO JOKE. Warm and cuddly wasn’t her middle name. I don’t remember her bake’n cookies. Cat fish, black eye’d peas and greens YES with a drink her left hand. I did however feel safe with her. NOT because I knew she had a gun. Rather because she knew where it was and would and could use it. MAN I MISS HER! Is she dead? Her mind is. Dementia turned into Altimzers. Her body is here but Johnny Mae is long gone. It’s 2013 and I’m a part of a new family. I’m excited to make NEW memories to add to the existing ones. It’s a NEW year! It’s gonna do what it’s gonna do. Might as well stand up straight, put a smile on your face and meet it HEAD ON!

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