~I’m all-ight I’m all-ight
Seriously though,thank you for all your kind words from those who reached out to me. I am a little embarrassed. I wasn’t fish’n for attention! It’s not my first rodeo. I’ve had six surgical procedures for this. I REALLY am not in pain all the time. There are some types of MS where you are. More I think about it I’m glad I told you about the pain. People always say I’m so brave. I’m really not. Pain broke me last week. It’s been two a and half years since I’ve been in this kind of pain. . With the pain I thought I was going INSANE. I feel like you saw me with my PANTS DOWN! SHEESH!
With that said I am still in a measure of pain. Drugs take a HUGE bite out of it though. At first I was SAD and MAD! That gets nowhere FAST. Thus my last entree. It is reasonable I was sad even mad to a point. But at the end of the day you have to let the anger go. I mean who is there to mad at? Like I said before it’s the practice of medicine. Doctors are not gods. Even though a lot THINK are.
It’s funny I was getting hung up with I can’t do. This morning in the shower I was praying for Jehovah God to help me with the Trigeminal problem. I feel my prayer was answered. It occurred to me I was looking at it all wrong. I was focusing on what I couldn’t do and the pain. I’m still Allison. I can smile, listen, see, text, email. In truth there is more I can do than can’t. I was getting caught up with feeling like I’m not normal. WHAT IS NORMAL?! They want us to think what we see on TV is. Yeah size 4 is the average size of women in the world, zits only happen in commercials and no one goes gray or has roots. Who are “they” anyway and why won’t they give us their full names?
I’m figuring out what letters or sounds are painful. Like the word English, the gl combo KILL’s me. IRONIC, we already know I can barely write the language and now I can’t say it. Fortunately I’m fluent in writing and speaking in Ebonics. He he hee! No but seriously it’s kinda fun. Its painful to say my company name, Zimp Carpet Cleaning. The pucker of the MP sound isa KILLER. So when I answer my work phone I say thank you for calling Zimp (almost a silent P). Then the customer replies are this Zimp Carpet Cleaning? Then in a clear voice I say YES. The are 26 letters in the English alphabet. Countless word possibilities. I can do this and even if I’m wrong. No one can say I didn’t try.
When I was diagnosed with MS it was it was a BLOW the GUT. I will never forget what my Daddy said to me. Don’t let this disease define you. You define it. I looked up Stephen W. Hawking is ALS didn’t define him. He is a brilliant man. I forgot that. I need to feel view my Trigeminal that way .
I’m going to carry a spiral note to everywhere. Tapped to the front will be a general statement. Briefly say my Trigeminal Neuralgia is flaring up and it hurts to full on take… If they start talking louder or slower I will flip note book over. I’m NOT deaf and dumb. On the back it will say DON’T talk slow or loud. Think of it like game of CLUE with limited words. So figure out who did it, where and what object was uses. If friends say that’s horrible or go down that poor Allison road I will flip the notebook over again. The next note will say it is what it is. We might as well make it fun!
I’m glad we had this talk. We always ask one another how we are doing and NO ONE is honest. Half of the time the asker is hoping whomever they asked will say I’m good. Then they can just keep it MOVE’N. Most of us have done this. We don’t have time to hear they’re cat died, there sciatica is act’n up and there job cut some of their hours. The flip side is when you’re asked you don’t want your business in the streets. So you reply to the question I’m find (bottom lip quivering) YOU KNOW YOUR LIEING! Your husband of 10 years just left you, there is a suspicious lump in your left breast and your car won’t start!
That’s my story and I’m STICKING to it. :0)